It is 13 months to the day from when I last posted in this blog and we thought Pofi had kept cancer at bay. The irritated old growth/bump on Pofi’s leg that I simply had to have removed (his remaining front leg – I could not have him worrying it and getting it infected) was Not Cancer. But while we had to suspend Palladia for the surgery and the wound recovery, the insidious monster that was lurking in the darkness and not defeated at all roared back. In mid October we got the all clear to resume Palladia and he was his happy self, counter surfing and playing at the dog park. And a few days later the neurological symptoms showed up causing a fall and a bad entry into my vehicle. At first the vets thought it was just a groin pull (and it surely was that, too), but the neuro symptoms increased incrementally. In days he could not longer walk. We did a Hail Mary spinal x-ray and there was hope it might be a disc compression as there was no sign that an STS tumor had pushed vertebrae out of the way or misshapen them. So surgeons jockeyed the schedule to get him an MRI and potential disc surgery immediately after on October 26, 2016. But the MRI again revealed my stoic, brave, strong warrior had a demonic mass, already large and ugly, in his spine. And really, I know, it was already there when he started licking and bothering that old bump. Nerve sheath tumors are tricky.
It just was not possible for us to let him not wake up – I know that may have been selfish. But he had not seemed to be in real pain and his appetite was undiminished and we thought we could have a day or two to spoil him with treats before we said good-bye. But again, like the first MRI six months prior, manipulating him had left him with more pain than he started. We still went home – had delicious burgers and tater tots delivered and slept all together on a mattress brought downstairs. One final night snuggled right up against us. Early in the morning I sent up flares and the wonderful home vet who had given him acupuncture the week before answered. One year ago today we freed his spirit from the body that had failed him. He took his sparkle with him. The world immediately became less. Less bright, less beautiful, less joyful, less fun. Simply less.
One year later and it is still inconceivable to be without him. I am not saying we don’t laugh and don’t smile. But our lives are duller, diminished.
But my sweetest boy, you did bring us such joy. Added such zest to our lives. You lived yours with such gusto and we are so grateful you blessed ours for nearly twelve years. Thank you for every moment of that. Thank you for taking my breath away with your beauty and grace and the light that shone in your eyes. Thank you for being a perfect for me dog. We love you so much, my Boo.
